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Saturday 27 May 2017

Getting Back to Your New Normal

Today may feel like "normal" is a faraway dream that you'll never be able to achieve. Besides, how can you feel "normal" when a part of your life just isn't there anymore. Parts of your soul are living life elsewhere without you.......how can you make that "normal"?

The truth is, you have to get back to normal. The sooner you get into a routine, the stronger you'll be for when you do have your children. It is essential for good mental health. And who knows....maybe the tables will turn and you'll have custody later on. But to keep yourself grounded and steady, try your best to find your groove for the daily grind. 

Here's how:

1. Keep working or keep busy.  If you do work, work your butt off. Continue to do your job well to the best of your ability. Even if you feel your home life is shaky, at least you'll have a grounded work environment. If you're unemployed, either look for work or find something meaningful to do with your time. Land that dream job or renovate/redecorate your home. Whatever it is, keep yourself busy!!

2. Find something of your own.  An extension of #1, but more personal. Find a hobby you enjoy. If you like crafting, get crafting. Watch a new TV show or movie. Start a new fitness regimen. Whatever you choose, make this all about you. It is yours to use to help you heal. 

3. Get help if you need to. Never feel you're inadequate if you are unable to get over your circumstances. Your situation would send anyone into the emotional spiral of depression. Many parents that lose custody experience depression at some point. Especially when you're not at fault and you're constantly worrying about your children. Ask your doctor for recommendations for local counsellors. Or ask your human resources department at your place of employment if they have an EAP(Employee Assistance Program). It is better to get help sooner rather than later. 

4. Find friends/champions. I cannot stress how much finding friends or family to be your champion(s). Not only will they provide comfort and diversions, they will also play a key role in assessing hour mental health. Sometimes, it can be difficult to know if your emotions and reactions are normal. They will also help you get back to normal by providing support (ears and shoulders) so you won't feel so overwhelmed. 

5. Get and stay healthy. Chances are, your mind and body took a major back seat during proceedings. Now that the decision has been made, now is the time to get back to eating well and exercising. It can be strange cooking for one, but you'll have plenty of leftovers (looking at the bright side). Enlist the help of your champions (have meals with them when you're feeling lonely). Busy? I highly recommend getting a crockpot :). Also make sure you're fitting in exercise. Vegging out on the couch won't do you favors, so pull out that yoga mat or put on those running shoes. 

6. Make space for them.  This is the hardest part I found getting back to normal. You'll possibly have to move out of the family home if you haven't already. But you do need to make sure you have space dedicated to your children. Just because they don't live with you doesn't mean they won't visit. And when they do visit, they need to know that they have space in your life and home. Just like they had at home, get a nice room together for them with as many things they'd like as you can. Don't opt for a blow up mattress or pull out sofa bed (unless you have to). Try your best to get proper bed complete with bedspreads. Make sure they have things to interest them with you whether it be toys, video game consoles, books, etc.  You want them to be comfortable physically so they'll be comfortable emotionally when they are with you.  They deserve to know they have a place in your life, especially because there's a chance they're being told otherwise. 

7. Practice mindfulness/gratefulness. This is hard to do, but something so simple can go a very long way to find your place in your new world. The strongest people can look around themselves and find at least one thing they're thankful for. It could be something simple today, like the clothes on your back.  You'll want to spend as much time thinking positive - even though it'll feel forced in the beginning. 

One day, hopefully soon, you'll find a new routine that works for you.  You'll need to be in the best shape emotionally for your children.  No matter how distressed you are, take comfort in knowing this won't last forever.

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