No parent imagines spending any holiday without their childfen. It certainly isn't the same without them. No adult party pairs in the excitement children bring to any special day. For a mum who used to make any holiday memorable, it can be very wearisome not being able to do those things any longer. Here's a few ideas to help make it easier:
1. Do something for them - sure you aren't able to see them for the celebrations, but you can do something for them. Send a valentine with a poem. Make a small Easter basket from you. Send favorite candies at Halloween (sure beats getting a pile of candy they don't like trick or treating). Send them special messages so they know you're thinking of them. These small things help bridge the distance you may be experiencing. And it keeps you close to them the best way possible.
2. Do not log onto Facebook. Of course, I'm being cheeky. But, you will see photos of everyone else celebrating normally. The rest of the world can't stop because of your circumstances. Therefore, the best course would be to limit your exposure if you feel that will trigger sadness. Your family and friends won't understand - and it can be difficult to see everyone enjoying the day you wish you had.
3. Be with friends, preferably childless ones. Find a group of people you can can be yourself with - without being a mum. The more you are able to keep yourself busy the better. Having a good support system is also key to managing your emotions.
4. If you must be with your family (without your children), tread with caution. If you have nieces and nephews, this makes for a very sad time, indeed. Especially holidays where presents and excitement are involved. It will be extremely difficult to watch the children in your family have normal festivities while you miss your own. If you feel you cannot be apart of the celebrations as a result, do not feel obliged. Many may not understand, but in the end, you don't want your sadness to overshadow the joy of the rest of your family. It is exclusively up to you you to know what you can handle and your family and friends should respect your feelings.
5. Ask for photos/phone calls. Ask the other parent or guardian if you can have photos of your children doing the normal stuff if you think you want to see. Or see if you can hold a Skype or phone call. It may be the closest way to include them in your day and they'll feel that you've made the best effort.
7. Celebrate holidays at odd times. Who says you can't have Christmas in July? And wouldn't it be cool to have a treasure hunt in September? If you feel you cannot miss the joys certain holidays bring, make up the holiday when they're with you. I promise, your children will not dislike it. They make think you're silly, but it won't go unappreciated.
8. Make up your own holidays. Get your creative juices flowing and think of something that's special to you and your family. Miss birthdays when they're away? Make up a "half-birthday" complete with cake, candles and presents. Or simply have a pop-up party (I have a box filled with random party items from the dollar store). The idea is, you open the box at random and have a party "for no good reason". No one dislikes a party :)
I hope these suggestions are helpful for anyone who needs it. Children grow up too quickly - so try to make the little time you have with them very meaningful.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments, suggestions, questions and encouragement are always welcome. Because of the charged nature of the subject matter, remember to keep things anonymous, clean and inviting. Note: anything you say on social media websites can (and often does) come up in custody disputes.